.:: GoTHikA ::.

moments of silence...

2005-06-27T19:18:00.000+08:00

sigh..
im sure dat u've heard the news bout a boi drown in seletar ? u noe..the dumb asshole who wen swimming at the forbidden reservoir ? well...he's frm my skool...not a bright kid i must say.. but as a skoolmate..i reali shud respect the dead..dang...
though i dun noe him well..he seems.. harmless..for me lah.. but there was a time wen he and his fren bit up a guy frm 4b2..sent dat dude to the hospital.. got suspended. no duh..
but aniways.. zi jian came frm my pri skool and the oni time wen i'd ever tok to him was wen we were lyk in pri....2 ? we tok the same skool bus together.. but oh well..itz kinda sad to die at such a young age.. he died on sat and itz oni lyk 2 more days to skool.. itz reali heartbreaking u noe..
i mean i saw a woman ( i tink itz his mom ) crying on the front cover of todays straits times newspaper.. my....
i wonder wat if zi jian was me ? i mean..wat if dat chud haf been me..to die..at dat place.. whud anyone be sad ? whud anyone miss me ? whud my mom be the woman crying on the cover page of the newspaper ? whud then my "dad" realise dat ive been missing frm his life all dis while???

sigh...................

lyk kit says.. shits do happen.

FINALLY!!!

2005-06-26T18:40:00.000+08:00

PPwhewwwww!!

finally itz done..ive fully completed mah new layout..took me the whole day yesterday..had to sleep at 2 am.. aniways.. my tagboard had been flooded by mysterious aliens. some even dun haf names..i tink.. or maybe anonymous is the name dat their parents had given.. hmm... but nonetheless i dun care.. hu am i to stop em frm tagging rite.. oh well.. then there is dis gerl.. i reali pity.. sigh.. cant mention the name or her boifren mite find me *roll eyes*.. too bad dat such a sweet gerl lyk her has a bastard for a boifren.. cant believe she didnt noe bout it.. but oh well.... maybe i shud stay out of ppl's business.. im not dat cruel to wreck someone's relationship.. let em be.. wat can i say.. her boifren did smth stupid i must say.. but enuf talk.. he mite be furious wen he read dis.. BUT HU CARES.. my blog aniways.. bwhahahahha... but seriously..i dun wanna wreck someone's relationship so i betta shut up since i haf better tings to do..

IM ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-06-24T13:30:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

itz been soooooooooooo long..... whoaaaaaaaaaaa so many tings had happen to me... and i mean soo many..
like yesterday there was dis really cute guy came towards us ( as in me and kit ) and he told us dat one of his frenz wanna get to noe me....hahaha...... but nah... kit said no and it was all over... hahha..wasnt reali interested.. i mean if U wanna get to noe me.. dtg jumpe sendiri ah.... rite ?

oh well....during june holidays i had to go to skool.. pretty pathetic.. had to do my art.. a bit tiring.. but it was realllllly fun... minus the fact dat we actually had to go thru burns frm the hot wax..... but it was fun...get to see FariS.. haha..

hmm......den during dis june holis.. mamat return to s'pore.. i was kinda excited wen he told me dat he still likes me.. he wanna meet..... but like i said.. therez too many tings going on dis june so i cant find time to do just anyting.. even to meet up wif the person i luv.. oh well.............. ive been reali strez out wif some tings including the "brothers-fighting" problem thingy..

oh oh!! alomost forgot!! on mon to wed, i took a break frm skool and me and family ( minus the broz) wen to sembwng park.. we overnite there.. it was reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallly fun... mt so-called cuz were there and even at midnite we wen swimming... some of em wen to jump off the jetty and it was really funny the way they did it.. *sigh* sweet memories...... tere is soo many tings to tok bout.......... woaaaaaaaaa...... i got sunburn! :D i look a bit dark.. i really hope dat the "tan-nest" whud go away on mon coz ITZ THE FIRST DAY OF SKOOL!! get to meet the rest of my frenz y'noe..but then again i haf to see ms soo...oh no..............

sigh.....wat to do...... hey! im gonna change my layout soon y'noe n_n

hehehhehehe

current mood: sugar-high

it's happening.....

2005-05-13T20:45:00.000+08:00

i donno wat to write bout... no..i mean therez alot fer me to tok bout.... but letz see......

two days ago my mom was admitted to the hospital.. she got asthma.. guess who sent her to see a doctor..

no one.

i had skool so how chud i possibly be accompanying her ? i chud always skip skool but i really chudnt..i had exams.. and plus she left wen i told her not to. i told her to stay at home dun go aniwhere.... but did she listen ? nooooooooooooo.......

and wadabout my step-father ?? wat was he doing the whole time ?

he was sleeping!!!!! he did not work dat day and my sister did not turn up for skool bcoz he tot dat it was OK since he tot dat i wasnt skoolin dat day....

HELOOOOOO!!! i DID had skool dat day!! i started late..at arnd 10 plus...

aniwayz as i was saying.. he did not even bother to help my mom wen he oredy knew wat was happening..he just continued sleeping..

i realllllllllllly dunno wat to say... im so fucking stress rite now...

and guess wat ?

wen we (me, lil sis and bro yan) got home frm the hospital u wanna noe wat else happen ??

my broz were fighting...again.. and dat dumbass sapian called the fucking police and i had to hide all alone in my stupid room to wait...wait till the police are gone...

i hate dis life!!!!!!

i meant....why cant we just be a family ? real family.....family dat cares...

we're the same blood....why do we haf to fight ??

im so so stress..

wat A day.... adoi

2005-05-09T15:59:00.000+08:00

damn tired.. exams... aaaaaarwgh.

had geog paper today~ bored...... bluek

wanna noe smth ? i saw ms soo in the foyer just now but den kit n aisyah told me not to be paranoid coz THEY happened not to notice her... *stare* and i had to literally sneak and be oon the lookout fer her while we were on our way out of the skool... they say itz SAFE wen i NOE dat itz not *grins* but we just walk aniwayz.. then.... smth happened..........

we, as in THE THREE OF US, saw ms soo walking towards the foyer ( she was somewhere in the carpark ~ i fink ) and guess wat i did.... i ran up the stairs immediately after i caught a glimpse of her... wen i reached the second floor of one of my skool buildings, i heard ms soo's voice yelling out a name..( uh... i tot i was my name but it turns out to be someone else's.. )

den guess wat i did then ? pe lagi.... cabot!! haha naik sampai tengkat 3 ~ haha

padahal it wasnt me lah dat she called but hell... she's one of my greatest fears.. *shivers* baaaaaaaddddddddd fashion *tsk tsk tsk* then wen the "coast was clear" i ran out of the skool....hahahah... takot~ hahha

see guys.....told ya i SAW her earlier.... *hmphZ*

hah!! gotcha!!

2005-05-06T21:30:00.000+08:00

see!!!!! i noe u've been reading my blog u dumbass!!!! if not how u noe i write bout u ?? freak... i noe itz u man.....hell yea... dun u deny it bastard.. ppl like u are soooooo easy to predict. and for ur info, my bro's popularity has nothing to wif dis. hez not an actor animore and oh yea..my bro doesnt haf to be an actor to chicken u out, u dick..all it takes is three gerls to make ur life ruin.. and one more thing..FUCK OFF MY BLOG BASTARD!!!!!!!!!

sayu ku mendggr..haiz..

2005-05-06T11:15:00.000+08:00

i juz got an email frm my godbro..he sounded sooooooo sad...my heart breaks wen i read dis..
uh..btw..i skipped skool today so dat i chud escape frm my art lessons......

wehehehehhe

dis is the contents of the email....

tat's ok... lagi pun dah memang dijangkakan ,,,
i jus had to bear with all this alone,,,,
per nak uat,,, dah suratan takdir,,,
bukannya abg menulis meminta simpati,
cuma kalau boleh menjadi suatu renungan uat semua,,,
hargai lah masa2 bersama keluarga..

I jus don no wat 2 do @ this moment......
Life seems so dull when i think of the situation my dad pass away,,,
abg boring ngan my siblings kat kl tu,,,
boleh dia org bilang se bulan selepas dikebumikan,,,,
lau ira, per ira akan uat,,,,,,

Sampai ke ari ini, abg tak tahu di maner silap nya abg dlm kehidupan ini,,,
Berdosa kah abg pd arwah,,,,
abg tak tahu per nak uat,,,,,

Maafkan abg lau abg menceritakan ini semua pada ira,,,,
Sebenarnya, abg tak tahu 2 whom i can turn 2,,,,
I jus try 2 kuatkan semangat,,,
tapi didlm ati kecil ini,, tuhan je tahu....

Anyway, THANKS 4 reading this,,,,,,

Abg menanti kehadiran SMS dari ira...............

i really dunno wat to say...i cant believe by not smsing him for a few weeks chud turn out like dis...man.. he's so lonely.....
he sounded so happy wen i first reply his emails..and today, wen i smsed him
he was like..." ira!!!!!!" then i was like "uhh..hie?"..
he's the nicest "brO" i had ever wished for... heheh...he gave me 100 bucks during hari raya....thru letter-box...
kewl...

current mood: uh...happy ?

i guess not~

( uh for ur info omar, i HAD to exchange MY number wif my step-father..fuck u.. i received irritating calls asking fer sex..JUST FUCK U OMAR tank u very VERy much..just watz ur problem man??! i noe dat u're still reading my blog coz i happened to find out ur blog address and i just cannot believe DAT u still..awrGH..

just get OVER IT man!!!! u dun haf the rite to spread my number arnd u dick-brain....i NOE its u..u tink im dumb?! damn u.. u cant forget bout me itz ur problem but if u spread my number at ALAMAK.COM itz gonna be my problem.. u wanna noe smth else ?? i gave my bro UR number..juz in case im bout to erupt, he will then gif ur number to our new bestfrens......THE POLICE... im serious omar.. fuck off my blog, stop telling ppl bout me, i dun care if u still spread my number or not, coz i wont be the one picking up the bloody phone and if u nicely stop talking bout me in UR blog or at ur msn screen name. i will ALSO stop bullshitting bout u...and dat way, the world will be a much, MUCH better place even for u.. )

aWeSoMe...........

2005-05-05T19:20:00.000+08:00

5.55pm
guess wat? today i didnt get soaked in the rain like yesterday and my bra did WAS NOT visible under my DRY uniform ok!!!! aniwayz, fitri's dad offer us ( me, kit and aisyah ) a ride home..kewl....i fink.
it was raining....damn hard. wateva....
and my freakin server was down juz as soon as i login in.....dammit. i was juz bout to write dis dumb entry....freak..HE'S FREAKING ONLINE man!!!!!! i didnt even get to chat wif him....even fer a while!!!!

dammmn....

aniwayz....today we had fun in skool...we made dis SOMEONE damn jealous...HAR HAR... i retold kit and aisyah in front of dat SOMEONE bout the fareez-"niza" incident..it was so damn funny man....the way we laugh.....and the way dat SOMEONE's face looked...HAR HAR...fucking poser...damn bitch......LOSERRRRRR!!! wahahahaha
we almost had enuf of her nonsense man...we almost wanna gif it up and tell her straight in her fuckin face...but..as usual..we dun even bother coz it'll be juz a waste of time..she juz wont get the fucking msg.....idiot.

well....tanx to her dad..we're now safely at home, unwet, unREVEALING, bra NOT visible and no stEAMy bOYs at void decks...

geez.

6.00pm
aniwayz wen i got home and was juz bout to undress, i saw dis note on my comp's table and a paper bag dat says "HANDPHONE BARU IRA...." . i was like...huh ? i totally ferget dat my first bro had promised me a new hp after he literally took my old one and sold it ( dammit ) w/o telling.oh well.. i later found out after dat and i sorta made him buy me a "new hp". itz not reallynew though....itz second-hand thingy...

6.15pm
well wateva. i seldom use hp nowadays coz of dis fucking bastard who is fuckingly dumb, went to write my number on the stupid bus.. like i said, i hadnt had much peace after ppl start calling in or smsing dat wanna "make frens"..( refer to the entries in the archives... )dumbass is dat REALLY a way of getting revenge on someone who suddenly got turned off at someone else's attitude ??? juz watever~~~~
why cant u juz get over it.....geez oh yea..if dat someone happens to be U, no offense. u're not the only bastard reading dis...and that is..if u REALLY noe who u are.and uh..one more thing..fuck off, u bastard. u are NOT wanted here. my shit here is totally non of ur fucking business..

the exit button is on the top right-hand corner of this window. please exit in an orderly manner.. and oh! no tagging fer u, u jackass.

tank u. ur co-operation is greatly appreciated.

6.18pm
aniwayz as i was saying, dis "new hp" of mine is a motorola flip phone..kinda boring. totally hate it.. he promised a siemens one man....but got me dis.....mobile..housephone instead. oh well..i wont be using it aniways unless i decided to forgive him watsoeva..but on second thought i tink i juz change the freaking number. no one ( EvEn sHuKrIn ) willever get to bug me ever ever ever EVER again...*evil laugh* MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA unless.....if u're weaaaaaaallllly nice to me and weeeeeeaaaaaaaaaalllly sincere to be JUST frens, den i mite consider myself of "accepting" u ppl..oh yea..dis policy only apply to guys, so gerls, if u my fren, im ur fren, we all frens, hell yea u can haf my number..dat is..if u gerls aint lesbianic ( heheh learn dat word frm aisyah ) watsoever~~

6.25pm
dammit....my server is still not ok yet! damn....i bet he wen offline oredy...sob sob.my frenz told me dat im crazy. so did my mom. they say " org yg nk ira, ira tknk. org yg tknk, ira nk..." and i did told em too bout HiM..they were kinda shock at first but they gotused to it..told em dat i still love/like him but i dun want him back if possible.. yes.im crazy..i dunno man..im juz afraid dat i whud hurt his feelings again..and besides....i dun tink he will ever want me.again. oh wellll... he is such irritatingly irristable.. oooo those abs..... *droooooools*

wehehehhehehehhehe

current mood: iRrItaTeD mAn!!!! my sever is still down!! arwgh

7.20pm
oh yea.....juz great...the server is ok, and he's offline...
JUST GREAT.

...bAdUmM... part II

2005-05-04T20:25:00.000+08:00

we

talk.

again.

unbelievable.

i told him i miss him.

dammit.

shudnt haf.

now wat will happen... ?

dang.

current mood: terrified....

...sweet sweet memories...

2005-05-04T06:55:00.000+08:00

life these days stinks.
i hate dis life.
dammit.

here he is. my "dad"..
and datz me on the left.

these are my two idiotic brothers wen they were still "adorable" and still love each other...i wasnt even born at dat time.
no duh.

my mom use to tell me dat they are related to me.. i still haf no freakin idea who the heck they are..

they were older than the previous pics ( duh ) i tink they were abt 17 - 19 yrs old at dat time..nO! they're not twins.. i still remembered the day they took dis pic.. they were joking arnd man.. we were one happy family.. now..even blood brothers dare to sent each other to jail...

dis was my ONLY bday "party" i had ever had in my whole entire life. the only guest were me, my mom and a fren of hers. geez

miss LoNeLy... heheh

nah..datz not my hair..itz fake.seriously..

uh....i can explain!!!
i got kidnapped and she made me take pics wif her!!!! REALLY!!!!

i hate to admit but like me, we were always cuter wen we were younger..sighh..
no doubt..

blak..itz only fer the camera.. hu wants to kiss her??! ( she's my half-sis btw )

if only...IF ONLY ~ sighhhhhhh

Dat is so sweet...

2005-05-03T06:30:00.000+08:00

man..ive juz watched dis movie thingy on hbo and there is dis guy, he was sooooo damn cute very hunky....huba huba :P and dis guy fall in love wif a beautiful nerd dat has lukimia ( is dat how u spell it ? ) and she unfortunately died after getting married to the guy.... it didnt really shows the death scene but it tells us dat shez dead....duh.. but the guy was still devoted to her dunno y....stupid fellow.. im still here single and available he dun want...he prefers to love a dead bitch... geez

current mood: uh..how do u describe dis feeling ? have no idea.....

sheesh

Photobucket

2005-05-02T15:48:00.000+08:00

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

...bAdUmM...

2005-05-02T09:45:00.000+08:00

my heart's beating soo hard..soo hard..i tot i chud avoid him again today wen he went online..but he talked to me instead...he actually chatted wif me...... *Badumm* hoooooooh..

i seriously tot dat he whunt want to talk to me after dat incident.......but he did...today....
unbelievable~ :P

a few days back wen he was online i tried my best to avoid him...wen he wen online dat day, i set my status to bz juz in case he talk to me...but a few minutes later i sign out juz in case i talk to him..

.......hhhhhhhehehehhehe.......

aniways after he sign out, shukrin called.. *rolled eyes*
sometimes these guys dun get the msg...... do i really need to spell it out to them ?? shukrin asked me out sumtime after my mid-yr examinations and i said i might be bz.. then he said dat i was playing hard to get..

moi?? hard to get ? well actually..kinda true..but seriously..i wasnt playing... i dun haf the heart to tell him off like SOME PPL.. he is really sweet, reaaaally sweet, understanding.....and u'll get the pic..

believe it or not, he's 25...........a dj.. i dun mind being frenz wif him. really i dun. but i juz dun find him...u noe.. attractive.. not bcoz he's older than me or anyting, and it definately has nth to do wif his looks..( i dun really care how a person looks like to me...as long as dat person aint a fucking liar LIKE SOME PPL!!!! ) i juz dun want to haf a relationship...wif anyone..other than..u noe hu.. aaaaaaaargh.. i miss him man... but i cant let him noe...u noe.. wat if bad tings happened if he noes.. i dun wanna fight wif him again..it hurts ppl.. dammit.. he must not noe dis....
i still him

unfortunately :(

current mood: nervous..strange..but true.... :P

ugh..trouble..

2005-04-28T13:40:00.000+08:00

man...i went to the police station again....and uh dun worrie oMAr....i didnt report bout u dis time...itz bout my lil sis..
my step-father hit his own flesh n blood and he actually busted her head.....she was kinda bleeding...at dat time was like 5 smth in the morning and i was in the shower... my sis wanna use the toilet and i,unfortunately, was taking my time getting clean..so itz her fault for not waking up earlier.... :D
aniwayz..she was a natural-born crybaby and she cried n cried n cried.....y ?? bcoz i whudnt let her into the bathroom. HELLO!!!! im showering....naked~ at 5 smth in the freakin morning.... u tink i wanna let her in ??? i was doin my business too u noe...aniway, she switch off the damn heater and i had to shower under freezin water..geez...
i got mad and and opened the toilet door ( wif my towel on...fortunately ) and yell at her face..things are always very noisy at my house during dis time of the day....wehwhehehe..aniwayz i switch on the freakin heater and continued showering...she was yelling outside and too bad for her, my mom wen out fer werk oredy and left my step-father outside sleeping.....well...his sleep was interrupted, he got mad, ( i dunno wat really happened ), hit my sis or smth....i heard a loud thud outside the bathroom den my sis was crying.....LOUDLY....then wen i finished showering i saw my step-father wiping blood off my sis's forehead..........yeOw..
i tot i was nth lah coz i chud really see wat was happening...(i need spects....blurrrr w/o em) then wen to skool as per normal.....

things in skool were pretty normal....boring as usual..we wen to jun eng home...meet dis old lady ( duh...old folks home wat~ ) and bla bla bla...to lazy to elaborate...BORING...

aniways wen i reach home frm skool, i meet my mom at the lift landing den she ask me if my sis wen to skool or not today.....den i told her wat happened, she freak and she demanded to kol up my step father and ask him to tok to her...unfortunately he didnt pick up the bloody fone and i had to put up wif my mom.....was damn tired.....
took a nap at 6, and was violently awoken by my mom to follow her to the police station after she found a towel dat was coverd wif dried blood (eew) and finally after she manage to get my sdtep-father on the fone....tings were very.....scary and my mom was crying...quite a drama today.....( even in skool, wen SOMEONE buat prangai.....which happens to make me and my frenz kinda pissed wif her and even at the jun eng home, me and aisyah had to sacrifice kit to layan her along the way and we left em and had fun of our own.....wehehehe.....met dis cute male nurse.....verrrrry gd looking *grins*....aniwayz even wen we reach back in skool she was at everybody's nerve......very....*sigh* i say no more.... )
then at the police station dis arrogant dumbass police was acting kinda idiotic.....dunno how to explain.... and he was so freaking hansem dat wen he asked me watz my house door number, i gave him the wrong info and had to repeat it over and over again....heheheh...idiot police fer being cute...... bluekkk
we manage to make the report aniway and my step-father was denying everyting wen the police called him on the phone...( btw the police's name was "corpal Faizal...." :D )
even wen the police ask my sis, she was also denying it, saying that if she was really hit, HER father whud be sent to jail.....( really.....i dun mind..makes no diff to me...hez not MY dad... )
watever lah......tings are really falling apart fer my family....juz like last time.... oh well...wat to do...it'll be like last time..oni dat i haf a sister dis time.... argh.....

dis is the story of my fucked up life....dammn........

current mood: extremelyyyy tired.....sleepy sehhhhh

haha..funny..

2005-04-25T23:15:00.000+08:00

<1>What's the difference between a rooster and ahooker?
One says cock a doodle do and the other says any cock will do.

<2>Why do men like mosquitos better than blondes?
Because mosquitos keep on sucking!!!

<3>There was this teacher who was teaching young kids the different types of animals, she showed them the picture of a giraffe, and asked them what it was. Nobody answered..so she gave them a clue, 'It has a long neck.' One kid answered, "Giraffe!" Pleased, the teacher showed a picture of a zebra.

Nobody answered it again, so she gave them a clue. 'This animal has stripes.' "Zebra!" one kid answered. So she put up another one, that of a deer.
The teacher could not think of a clue..but suddenly she came up with one!..she asked them 'what does your mother call your father?'
Suddenly one child got up and answered 'HORNY BASTARD!'

<4> You're so stupid~You're so stupid, your mother told you to go buy a color television and you asked, “What color?”

You're so stupid that you climbed overa glass wall to see what was on the otherside.

You are so stupid that you got run overby a parked car.

You're so stupid that you looked in a bowl of cheerios and said...''O LOOK, DONUT SEEDS!'''

You're so stupid, you stuck a battery up your butt and said, “I got the power.”

You're so stupid, you looked in the mirror and said, “Who's that?”

You're so stupid, you got caught drunk-driving at the bumper cars

<5> Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

<6>"Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, stupid Jill forgot her pills and now they have a son."

<7>Datz not the toilet dumbassA drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.

A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.

The bartender yells, "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!"
The drunk responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."

The bartender opens the door and looks in.
You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!

now we noe...

2005-04-24T08:35:00.000+08:00

well well well..someone wrote in their msn screen name dat IM the coward..hah!! huz the coward now dumbass??! fuck u omar!! damn bastard..i noe dat u're the one hu wrote my hp no. in the bus..i've told my bro..u're gonna get it..BIG TIME..itz either frm me n my frenz or itz the police..u mess wif me, u mess wif mah frenz..u got the wrong bitch to mess dis time..

testing

2005-04-24T01:50:00.000+08:00

geez...i accidentally accpeted a virus....now i cant login to blogger properly dammit....

fuck you OMAR

2005-04-23T10:52:00.000+08:00

woi! i noe u're readin dis..stop writin bout me in ur blog!! i dun haf time to play arnd wif lil kids anymore and aku tkder mase nk tulis pasal kau ah..bleh relex sua..jgn nk prasan jubo..saper sak suker kau..eeeeeeee aku tkder mase nk layan budak2..budak2 cam kau tkder konek!! bleh jalan ahhhhh!!!!!

im betta off alone~

2005-04-23T10:10:00.000+08:00

every day i tink of u..
every nite i dream of u..
i dun understand..
do i miss u ?
do i still love u ?
i dunno..

i cant answer dis qns..
can u?
my heart breaks everytime i look at our photo..
why ?
my heart melt each time i recall "our moment"..
why ?
every time i was wif someone else..i always..tink bout u..
why ??

i wish u were here..all the time..
but u neva are...u'll neva be..

i pretended to move on..
takin calls frm diff ppl..
but itz not the same..
datz not love..itz lust..
then..wat is love aniway ?

stop doin dis to me..
stop poisoning my mind..
i dun love u..
i dun miss u..
but i juz cannot stop thinkin bout u..
why is dat ?

sometimes..i wish we were together..once more..
i want to listen to the words dat u once had told me..
but..juz like the other wishes..it neva came true..
u'll neva be mine again..
i cant let it happen..
we haf to move on..
no..
i haf to move on..

faith mite haf brought us together..
but destiny will forever keep us apart..
i dunno why i still kept our photo..
and i wonder if u still keep it too..
but i dun care..
i need to ask u smth..
please........im begging u..

GET THE FUCKING HELL OUTTA MY LIFE!!! U'RE MAKING ME LOSE MY MIND!

Today....

2005-04-21T18:21:00.000+08:00
hie...juz woke up frm my nap..still sleepy though.. but i GOTTA tell u guys bout dis dream i had..
i dreamt dat...shud i reveal his name? i mean..wat if hez reading dis..ok... i dreamt of my...EX-BOYFREN!!!! man..shud i reveal his name???? nah..it chud coz trouble..
aniwayz..i was in skool (in my dream) then dis guy(my ex) was at my skool gate waitin fer me..it was after skool oredy and me,kit and aisyah were all gettin ready to go home...then another fwen of mine, fitri, came and approach us and told me dat ma~ er i mean, my ex-boi, was waiting for me outside the skool...i told her itz NOT possible since we've broke up like a looooong time ago and hez not suppoz to be in singapore during dis time of the yr...i dunno wat really happened next but i noe i suddenly came face 2 face wif him.. i dunno whether to laugh or to cry..i miss him like hell and really felt like..hugging him.. but i didnt..i didnt wanna show dat i still love him.. i juz stared at him...
i felt dat we were juz staring at each other for quite sometime i dunno..he suddenly said.."mane kau pegi? aku cari kau satu yishun kau tkder....i miss u .." then i was crying..man..therez sooo much emotions arnd us man, it really felt like real..then the magic happened...i juz woke up.. and here i am now writng in.. geeeeeeeez.....

aniwayz..back in skool juz now(really..JUZ NOW not a dream) i ate dis whole plate of rice and it tasted daaaaaaaammn gd.. neva get to taste rice since the day i was sick man.. it really tasted sooo gd dat u felt like eating again..hehehe...i hadnt had a decent meal in one week and finally today....aaahhhhh........my miracle...... i was full for the first time in one whole week (i was sick on thurs btw)...hahah dis IS such a big deal fer me coz i've lost 3kg juz by not eating and i can get out of the TAF club by next wk..aniwayz speaking of which, tadi during taf was fun..we had relay and i had to go to nurdianah's grp.. we were sorta winning after the exprez won the first round..and it was left wif dianah's grp and fitri's grp..aniwayz as we were waiting for welfert and fitri to pass the baton to nazmi and ferdinand, in the middle of the run, fitri tripped and fell and the whole game was pulled off.. well..eventually we(me and fitri) were excuz frm the game coz fitri had a pretty nasty fall and my opponent, yong siang told the teacher dat i was havin an asthma attack..niceeeeee oneeee...oh well.. the game continued without us though.. :"D

current mood: sleeeepy

hu ha hu ha hu ( asthma )

2005-04-20T15:48:00.000+08:00
my p.e teacher made me ran for my 2.4 yesterday even though the day before, i've told him dat i was in the process of recovering....but then, he said datz ITZ ALRIGHT and made me run aniwayz..
i ran for juz a round and i was all like.. HA HOOOOOOOOOO HA HOOOO... (inhale..exhale) all breathless and i really chudnt breathe..i had an asthma attack rite after the first round.. then i juz stop till he suddenly saw me crying coz i chudnt breathe properly then he excuz me..
then after dat the whole class was kinda chaotic askin y watsoever.. man........itz very embarassing u noe..

aniwayz..........today..i've actually plan to write smth..but i fergot wat it is.. :D ouh well...i tink im gonna change my layout..itz kinda plain man..real plain... ouh well..

current mood: nonsensically unstable

ARGH!!

2005-04-19T12:02:00.000+08:00
guess wat?? i juz came back frm the police station..y ???? well..i.. i mean, we (me, my 2nd bro n my mom) wen to make a report on some freak who kept on calling me n claimin dat he got my number frm sbs bus 30. argh!!!!! there's so many numbers calling in after that..diff number..same guy.. wat.. u tink im stupid??? first he told me his name was ayul living somewhere in jurong 16yrs old bla bla bla.. then diff number he told me dat his name was shawn. then another number he told me he was a "public servant" and he wants to FUCK me.. im am sooooo pissed.. there's so much more i can't remember..but the police guy told me dat the oni way is to change my number........ duh! saper tak tau sak ?? if i choose dat option, whud i wanna go to the police station ???? stupid...but then he says dat if my bro (hez a lawyer btw..yawnnn) wants to sue him, then everyting whud be leceh..im juz using prepaid card wat.. hey!! my GODBRO bought it for ME!! grrrrrr......

current mood: snobbish

im damN siCK mAn

2005-04-19T08:30:00.000+08:00
ok...for the past couple of days (fri-sun) i've been lyin flat on my bed, half-dead (nah not really..) with my temperature boiling up to over 1000 degree celsius....yea im hotttttt...im burning.. then my papa ( step-father..wanna call the whole thing but itz kinda longgg n itz altogether rude.. ) made me drink dis icky liquid called coconut drink... it tase bad reaaaaallll bad (itz not nice aisyah..itz notttt nice :P horrible stuff )..
since i've not eaten anyting the whole day for three days, my mom stuff my mouth wif some rice..each day... *choke*
every nite my tummy will feel like itz gonna explode..itz full of air.. hehe i said airrrr.. not gas..
rite now im writting nonsense coz i tink my head has a hole n it..air is coming in as well..

current mood.. : stooooopid...

aww..shut up

2005-04-18T12:55:00.000+08:00
my n levels are comin up somewhere in june or july i'm not really sure bout it..and since my GIRO had when dry since my fucking "dad" stop giving me money, i had to pay my n levels fees with cash.. $290/- ..... to u guyz, dis amount is easy to get..duhh juz ask ur parents..rite? me? u're kidding...we can't even get $50 for ourselves everyday..

my mom has her own stall set up in a canteen somewhere in yishun industry park and her earnings are LESS than $150.. dun ferget..she still needs to buy the next day's groceries for her stall..aNd her stall rent..AnD the stall's cooking gas..anD 2 bottles of cooking oil dat she uses EvERydAy for her cooking( boy..dat sure is healthy)..AND there's one more thing...BILLS!!!! sometimes she even had to use her own savings instead of the "profit" dat she earned...itz NOT enough..

my "dad".............he's dead..im very2 sure of dat.. if he's not, i wish him dead...maybe he's still wif dat fucking bitch dat ruined my life...OUR life..we whud still be a one big happy family if it wont for dat creep...i dun even noe my "grandmother", my "grandfather", "aunts n uncles" and my "cousins" frm his side of the family...seriously i haf no idea who they are.. if i see someone i dun noe walking down the street, n my bros tell me dat he or she is one of my relative, i'll go "yea rite...like i'll fall for dat.."

there's one time during hari raya, where one day my 2nd bro decided to bring me to my "dad's" relatives' house..he told me to get to noe em..i dun really wanna go coz i dun noe em n i dun want to haf anything to do wif my "dad"..but after my mom insist me to go..i juz go..bluekkk.. my "relatives" are like.....different.. u noe those ms/mr goodie-goodie-two-shoes? yup..datz em..
wen i got there..my "dad" wasnt even arnd..itz really..heartbreaking u noe..seeing my other "relatives" wif their fathers..one big happy family..on hari raya.......their OWN father..not step-fathers..fathers dat care..fathers dat love.. i get very jealous seeing them..very much since i cursed under my breath dat each n everyone of their fathers whud leave their mothers n let them see how i feel..how whud my mother feel..but nah..me n my mom dun hold grudges agaisnt em..not them..itz my "dad"..n his pet bitch..along wif their filthy dog babies..eEw..
juz hate em....

my step-father is another idiot who juz love to get on my nerves..n my mom's..all the time.. his side of the family is also different frm mine..i've told u bout my "dad's relatives", now i'll tell u bout my step-father's side..we oredy haf ms/mr goodies-goodies, now we haf ms/mr badies-badies.. tattoos..body piercing..sex...gangterism.. u'll get the pic.. i dun haf much info bout em coz i juz care less..my "step-sis" or rather his daughter ( wait..im not talking bout my half-sis... )told one of my "step-cousins" dat i wasnt invited when we(me n my mom..together wif my step-father n adik..but most of the time the insult is aim basically on me n my mom...) visited my step-father's mother's house in the east side ( u wish im gonna call her my grams..)..
and dis "step-cousin" of mine juz walk up to my face n told me "ira..kak kas ckp korg(me n my mom) uat pe sebok2 kat sini..jgn menyebok ah.. korg bkan sedare kat sini pe.." SIAL! i really felt like crying at dat time..really..my eyes were burning n i told my mom dat i was told n my mom..well.. when..a lil bit..out of mind.. but shez ok now..no worries :D

back at my "dad's" relatives house, although i didnt really enjoy being there, i feel a sense of warmness..i feel like i was somewhere..get it? AWRGHHH

boReD...

2005-04-10T00:10:00.001+08:00
im so bored... ader free net pon bored... we're using wireless connection n flexisurf smth like dat..i dun quite understand all dis stuff..sometimes ader net, sometimes tkder net...adoi... ouhh well....

im sooooo bored...

soooooooooooooooooo bored.......

dunno wat to write.......

haaaaaaaaaaaizzzzzzz.....

how to post pictues sehhh??? im so pathetic... my blog's so boring man...

im so bored...

boredd..

borrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddddddd................

current mood: bored..duhh

sakit hati..

2005-04-06T12:25:00.000+08:00
ok...here's a ting.. this DINO person is definately NOT my fuckin type.. hez fuckin jealous at everyting.. im so strez out i really wanna burst out.. sometimes i wish mamat were here.. i really2 do.. i miss him.. a hell lot.... really.. i do.. even though i was the one who wanted the break up.. man..
look omar...if u're reading dis, im sorie if i've ever hurt ur feelings..but itz the fuckin fact man.. i really like u.. but plz..be urself.. u're nice.. very nice..but try to be understanding.. dis IS my life.. dis IS how my life works.. no one can change dat.. i can never be mad at u forever.. i haf dis sympathy for u.. and u noe dat datz dangerous..we can NEVER be together..
wateverrrrrrrr man... juz get the fuckin hell outta my fuckin life..

current mood: pissed

totalli fuCKEd up..

2005-04-04T08:05:00.000+08:00
im kinda fed up wif my fuckin life rite now.. im so stressed out and i dunno wat to do.. but i dun care bout dat.. im juz wondering watz wrong wif aisyah..she's having probs of her own..i can tell by the looks on her face even though shez convinced dat i dunno anyting. Rite~ as if.. im juz as gd as her when it comes to finding out wat ppl are tryin to hide frm us.. cmon.. who is she trying to kid.. oh well.. cant force her to tell me everyting rite? i mean.. gif her a break..she's already stress out.. wif skool and her cca..and not forgetting her major probs at home.. i dun really noe watz going on..but im sure of one ting.. kit and i are always here by her side whenever she needs some cheering up..:D but like i said.. itz ok if u dun wanna tok bout it.. i understand.. but plz lah.. smile.. :) itz not dat hard.. ok ?

sigh..aniwayz, on friday, which was suppoz to be April's fools day, definately made me feel like an enormous fool.. itz not dat i was pranked or smth, itz juz dat i WAS feeling rather foolish.. dunno why..maybe bcoz itz the tak-pernah-jadi relationship between me n "dino".. i dun even feel like we are meant to be.. he's "nice" and all..but..( u see..in a "relationship" there's alwayz a "BUT"..) there's smth bout him im not sure about..he's not DAT fabulous..he's not DAT gd looking..well.. i dun really care bout dat..i never had..looks ARE not important.. aniwayz letz not get to dat.. dis "dino" person, he's verrrrrrrrryyyy nice..but like i said..i had doubts bout him.. he lied to me every now and then..he dun realised dat i noe.. ok..lemme tell u his mistakes.. p/s: if u wanna lie to me..u gotta be realistic.. DUhHH!!

first of all..last wednesday, i tink the date was 30th mar 05, we kinda made last minute arragements to meet up in front of my skool at 1 plus after skool.. he didnt noe how to get here, so i told him to take the mrt which is very convienent bcoz the khatib mrt station is juz arnd my skool area.. but i was told dat he was kinda broke at the moment.. i dunno wat bus he shud take frm his place to mine..i wasnt the "out-goinG' type..even if i was, i prefer taking the mrt.. :P aniwayz, it was 7.15 am at dat time n i was in the skool toilet..*ahem..datz our usual routine..every morning we meet, we will go toilet after dat, to sort of "touch up" ourselves before skool starts.. giRLSs wat~ * and we had to assemble at the parade square oredy..so i switch my hp to silent mode and kept it in my bag.. bla bla bla.. letz forward it to "after recess" at arnd 11.15 am...i checked my sms inbox n dino had sent me an sms.. he asked me wat bus to take frm town to yishun.. i didnt reply bcoz i tink dat time was math n my teacher was in class.. after a few periods later, he smsed again n he told me dat he cant meet me coz he was caught by the policed for smoking..i didnt reply...

i tot i was gonna skip my cca on dat day juz to meet him but itz too baaadd dat someone was doing smth agaisnt the law and uh, at dat time it was raining and i had sprained my ankle during hockey at P.E so i tot wat the heck~ i went for my cca aniwayz..

i got home quite late n did not checked my hp for msges watsoever.. i had a shower and then i slept..then he msged me. he wants to call me or smth i dun remember then i continued sleeping lah..penat pe..

then my house phone rang, i gumble and picked up.. guess who? him lah duh.. we tok..actually..he tok.. and i was like "hmMm.." , 'yea.." , "ooh..".. dat sort of tings.. i was kinda snobby at dat time, the fact dat i was fuckin tired and a call frm him was the last ting on my mind..plus i was kinda disappointed dat he had to LIE to me..i noe.. i can tell..im not really pissed at the first lie...itz the 2nd lie dat really ticks me off.. he told me dat reached at wlds (if i heard rite..not sure..too sleepyyy) beh die patah alek..y? bcoz he reached there too early.. eh..lemme rephrase dat if u dun understand.. he got there, but when home again bcoz he tot dat he reached there too early.. so..which one izzit? caught by the police or the reached there too early? waaaiiit.....wlds????? he was suppoz to meet me in front of my skool gate!!!! WTF....

to be continued... nak tgk ms congenality....... :D

current mood: excited plus geram... :P

wELcomE...

2005-04-02T07:15:00.000+08:00

okiez...dis is like my very the first time creating a blog... so dun mind me if the entry is lamE.. aniways...since itz a lame entry..i'll stop for now n tink up of a much more lammerr one... yea wateva~~

Current mood: in a lazy position to type animore...